Cycles of Violence

If a battering occurs more than twice in a relationship, a three-phase cycle appears to be established that varies in both time and intensity for the same couple and between different couples; situational events seem to influence the timing.

Phase 1: Tension Building

Minor incidents occur
Woman tries to calm man, using whatever she thinks might work
Woman denies feeling angry, denies error: both increase
She feels there isn’t much she can do
He attempts to act out only in private
He becomes fearful that she’ll leave him because he knows his behavior is inappropriate
He becomes more jealous and possessive
There is a delicate balance between the two
Minor incidents increase---tension becomes unbearable

Phase 2: The Accute Battering Incident

Uncontrollable discharge of tension built up to phase one
Man loses control over his behavior
He starts out wanting to teach her a lesson---not to hurt her
He tries to justify his behavior with something she did
Briefer phase than others: 2-24 hours
Men don’t remember much---women do, in detail
She tries to wait out storm rather than fighting back---knows she’d be hurt more
Anticipation causes more severe psychological stress for women: can’t sleep, loss of appetite or overeats, constant fatigue, headaches, etc.
After attack, usually followed by shock, denial, and disbelief; both people try to rationalize
Women do not seek help during Phase 2 unless badly hurt and tend to return home from emergency room
Women tend to remain isolated for several days; listless, depressed, helpless

Phase 3: Kindness and Contrite Loving Behavior

The "Honeymoon" Stage

Welcomed by both
He knows he went too far and tries to make up to her
Victimization of woman becomes complete
Period of unusual calm
He is sorry, begs forgiveness, and promises never to do it again
He is sincere and believes he can control himself
She wants to believe him
She sees how wonderful he can be
Traditional notion that “love conquers” prevails

Then the Cycle begins again.....